"The quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness."
If a year ago you told me that I wouldn't regret going to university and moving to London, I wouldn't have believed you.
Throughout my first year in Brunel, I had fallen into a deep, low state, depression and eventually anxiety. I had dreams and expectations: I wanted a nice flat, friendly flatmates and the ability to love my degree. But these expectations were fuelled by fear of having the opposite occur, so naturally, that happened. I ended up being the antisocial one, having a normal room and hating my degree and university.
I blamed my bitterness on everything except myself. I blamed the conditions and surroundings, the inability to choose and the status quo. What I was denying was the simple truth: I chose to be there and then. My current life dictated I live through that experience.
I had the ability to run away, and it was tempting. So much so that I decided to look around for a course that would feed my eager soul before dropping out. This is how I stumbled upon Naturopathic Nutrition in CNM. Eventually I didn't drop out, I ended up going to acupuncture and started realising that this experience was something I had created. It didn't just happen and I wasn't just a victim. No one is.
So fast forward to September 2015, first week of my Naturopathic Nutrition course. I felt my depression getting triggered again. But this time it didn't make sense, I'm in a beautiful flat, i'm not alone and i'm doing yoga. Wasn't that what was supposed to bring bliss and comfort?
So I freaked out for a whole day, wondering why my life was destined to be depressive in London and woke up the next day like a new person. I watched all the videos my mother had sent me months ago of Abraham Hicks, for she knew this knowledge would help me. But it wasn't the right time then. This knowledge, wisdom and truth resonated within me. I was instantly blissful, and all I could feel was gratitude, love, and joy.
There's a way out.
Step 1. Realising the outside doesn't matter, but your inner emotional and vibrational health does. Your connection to your dreams, desires, truths and soul.
Step 2. Freaking out, realising you're responsible for your emotional state (good or bad).
Step 3. You're free to feel blissful you know? Do the things you love most. If you're tired and bored, dance around, stretch.
Step 4. What works for others doesn't mean it's going to work for you. Hence the need for exploration and trial and error. Life is the ultimate experiment.
By taking responsibility for my emotions, looking out for any triggers and choosing the path of least resistance (not to be confused with comfort) all I felt was gratitude.
I feel grateful for living this experience, for now I can share this with you, I can empathise with deep moments, whether they're high or low.